There are days I don’t recognize my own reflection. Those fleeting moments when you see yourself in a large panel store window is as if you are looking at a strange, yet uncomfortably familiar, passerby – as if you have seen them before but cannot quite place where. Some days I see my own mother staring back at me, or I recognize an expression I am more accustomed to seeing on her face than having on mine.
Its those days its as if I remember all at once I’m grown up, an almost 30-something adult, living in the “real world”, yet still beset in many ways by the same insecurities and perceptions developed as a child. It’s those days I remember I put on heels instead of tennies, a watch instead of hair-ties, and I’m in a hotel in London instead of home in the States.
As a kid, there was nothing I wanted more than to be grown up. Always couldn’t wait until the next milestone, sleep-away camp, driver’s license, paychecks, moving out, traveling for work. And all of a sudden, it’s all here. It’s all right now. It’s all finally real. And yet so surreal.
When you spend your whole life looking forward to something, hoping and dreaming, and focusing on what you want your future to be, when it finally manifests as your right now, you cannot help but feel as those its all a hazy daydream.
As a scrawny, awkward, nerdy kid, all I wanted was to grow up to be beautiful and successful. I wanted my face to be more defined like Gwyneth Paltrow, and my body to slim like Natalie Portman. I wanted to dress like Coco Chanel and I wanted to feel like the effortless class of Audrey Hepburn. I wanted to be seen more like Blake Lively and less like Harriet the Spy. And under all of that, I wanted to be as badass as Notorious BIG. Basically, I wanted to be Wonder Woman.
These days, my dreams are still the same, but also a little simpler. I want to be a better leader to my team like my boss. I want to someday run an empire like Arianna Huffington. I want to travel and photograph like Nat Geo photographers. I want to be the wife my husband deserves, but better. I want to be in the best shape of my life, for the rest of my life, while eating my way around the world. Basically, I want to be Wonder Woman.
Welcome to A Blonde’s Ambitions.